


Shine Like Stars Do

by morninglights



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, M/M, Murder, Present Tense, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-16
Updated: 2012-10-16
Packaged: 2017-11-16 10:39:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/538566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morninglights/pseuds/morninglights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I asked a question to this sky that I can't see any stars in, because I want to see the continuation of the promise from that day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shine Like Stars Do

**Author's Note:**

> A fic inspired by Arashi's morning light. So many thanks to the most wonderful [](http://kos-mos26.livejournal.com/profile)[**kos_mos26**](http://kos-mos26.livejournal.com/) for betareading! Title shamelessly stolen from the ever so awesome [Glasvegas](http://vimeo.com/25088841) ♥

_I asked a question to this sky that I can't see any stars in_  
Because I want to see the continuation of the promise from that day  
 **– Arashi / Morning Light**

 

It starts with the sound of a small laugh in a nearby cafe with a nice view and the smell of freshly ground coffee. Ohno Satoshi would have never noticed the man at the bar if he hadn't looked up at that exact moment. But he does look up and their eyes meet for just a second. Something inside him stops. It's not time, because it ticks on, _tick tack, tick tack_ , on and on. It isn't Ohno's heart, either, because it keeps on beating, racing even just like his pulse.

What stops is his mantra – the thoughts that he keeps repeating to himself every few seconds, like an automatism. They remind him that he is still alive and that it will go on.

_People are stars, stars are people. People who kill deserve to die. He avenges the dead, so he deserves to live. People are stars..._

The man smiles shortly then looks away. Ohno doesn't realize that he is getting up and approaching the bar. He only becomes aware of the fact when he finds himself directly in front of the man, who is now looking at him questioningly.

“Nino, I think this guy has just been experienced love at first sight,” says the owner with a laugh and Ohno joins with a quiet chuckle.

 

_He has found his star._

 

He knows he has to let him go. Which of course doesn't make it the slightest bit easier. Nothing would make this moment easy.

He knows he has to let him go.

The problem is, he _can't_.

“Why are we doing this? How did we even get this far?” Nino bursts out, but he swallows up the words he really wants to say. The words that are like poison, spreading in his stomach making him nauseous.

_‘Why did we let it go so far?’_

Ohno doesn't answer – he never does when Nino touches this particular subject. Even when everything said counts as if it were final, he stays silent and allows the poison in Nino's stomach to spread further. One day it will kill him.

“You knew where this would lead,” Ohno says after a while. He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. Nino shortly wonders if it ever did. He doesn't know. There's a lot he doesn't know about Ohno. He wants to laugh, because it just sounds so paradox hearing Ohno talk about knowledge.

“Don't make this my fault,” he hisses. It comes out harsher than intended. “No one knows what this feels like. Ohno, no one _knows_ something like this.”

He doesn't think that Ohno understands him, but he doesn't care anyway. Nino doesn't have the strength to explain.

“Well, then don’t make it my fault that it went this far. That I let it happen. We both agreed— we were— it's not as if I wanted it this way!” Ohno's voice sounds dangerously close to cracking and Nino doesn't want to listen anymore. All he wants is to hit Ohno, hard, right in the face, to break his nose and feel his blood on his skin. Nino actually wants to see teeth flying, wants to disfigure him so much that every time Ohno looks into a mirror he would be reminded of him. At the same time he just wants to press him up against the wall, kiss him senseless and take him there and then, the whole night, wild and hard.

He does neither.

Nino knows he'll regret it – he is already regretting it right now – but he lets him go. He keeps his hopes up for Ohno to do anything as a farewell; to gently squeeze his shoulder, to hug, or maybe even kiss him. But Ohno simply leaves. He runs away without a single good-bye.

 

_But his one and only star he must leave behind._

 

Ohno Satoshi cannot see the stars. It's not that he's blind or unable to look at the sky. However, looking up at these objects people call stars, all he can do is laugh out bitterly. Up there are some shiny dots arbitrarily covering the dark canvas of the night sky. Ohno finds nothing beautiful in it. Nothing reassuring or helpful.

 

_The stars in the sky are lies to him._

 

When Ohno was just a kid, his mother used to tell him about the stars. About the _true_ stars leading him through the darkness, providing an anchor. Stars that wouldn't leave him behind, wouldn't let him live alone and whereto he could always turn if he felt sad and needed directions. “Stars,” she told him, “are all the people who once lived on earth, whether long or short, and who had made their experiences while alive. People who know exactly what life is all about, and what we, the living, need: Someone who's always there for us, someone who won't ever leave, a fixed star in our life guiding and holding us unconditionally.”

“But why can't I see the stars when it's bright outside?” he had asked one night looking wide-eyed at his mom. Her answering smile is the most beautiful in all his memory. “It's exactly because they were people once, Satoshi. Just like you they have to sleep from time to time. But nonetheless, they are constantly with you, even when they're asleep and you can't see them. They are always with you.”

He had loved these stories by his mother.

“I will tell you a secret now. You don't only find stars in the sky.”

“Really? Where else?”

“Sometimes stars get lost on earth. You don't recognize them by their shimmering and glittering. But when you meet a star, you'll know that it is one. You just know.”

“I don't get it.”

“Believe me, you will understand when the time comes.”

That same night a black man had attacked them both and had brutally abused Ohno's mother right in front of him. When she was broken, too weak to struggle or scream, he had put a knife in ten-year-old Ohno's hand. He had forced the boy's small fingers around the handle and together had stabbed his mother repeatedly. Again and again, till all the life had left her body.

Four years later, when Ohno had stopped waking up screaming every night, the father who he hadn’t seen since his parents separated when he was a child, came to see him at the shelter and took him to the side looking very serious. Ohno would never forget those icy eyes. Just like he would never forget his mother's smile.

“Kid, you can decide for yourself now. If you want to make this son of a bitch pay for what he did to your mother, if you want him to get what he deserves, then come with me. Come with me and I'll teach you how to find that bastard and how to wipe him out. Or you can just stay here waiting for some pitiful soul to take in a screwed kid like you, living with the nightmares of your mother getting killed.”

If, at the age of ten, Ohno had thought that his life would never be the same again, he realized at fourteen that the moment of complete change was only now.

 

_None of these shining dots in the sky are stars. Because no one up there had been there for him when the hardest time of his life begun._

 

This feeling spreading inside him so wonderfully, filling him with warmth that no sun in the whole universe can provide – he cannot describe it. He is unable to wrap it in words, because every time it comes over him it is too overwhelming to leave any capacity for finding a correct description.

This exact feeling as he silently enters his apartment at night, creeps into the bedroom and finds his friend fast asleep in his bed. As he gazes upon _his_ Ohno Satoshi and loses himself in these soft features that only sleep can coax out.

He is in love with this man. He loves this man with all his flaws and weaknesses. He loves him so much that he wants to shout it to the world and let everybody know.

That's why he bends down slowly, very carefully brushes a strand of hair from Ohno's forehead, and lovingly places a butterfly kiss on his skin.

All of a sudden he finds himself facing a gun pressed right between his eyes.

“Sa–,“ the rest of the name gets stuck in his throat when Ohno's icy gaze hits him. Even as Nino’s trying to grasp the whole situation, he notices the gun is gone already. Ohno is a few steps away, wide-eyed with shock. Nino remains rooted to the spot. He can’t remember how to move.

“I'm sorry.” Ohno's voice sounds strangled, as if talking proves to be very hard.

Only now Nino gathers himself together again. “What the hell...?” He takes a couple of steps towards Ohno. “Where did you get the gun? What— explain this!”

“It's better if you don't know.”

Nino's mind is racing, thinking of a thousand possible explanations. He imagines Ohno taking out a FBI ID-card with a crooked smile. He could see Ohno whisking a key out of nowhere to proudly present weapons collecting as his hobby. Then he imagines Ohno taking out the gun again – this time pulling the trigger. At first it's only water but then he hears Ohno laugh. After that Ohno pulls the trigger once again and everything around Nino turns black.

He opens his eyes realizing that he has closed them while picturing the various scenarios. Ohno is still standing in front of him, looking utterly lost.

Nino thinks that he is not the only one lost. The thought sickens him.

“I need to get out of here,” he whispers before bolting out of the room. He hopes that Ohno won't follow him.

The cool night air calms him down. Looking up into the sky has always somehow calmed him down no matter the circumstances. As if the stars had an answer to everything and could offer comfort. Nino is aware that this is nonsense, but he believes in the power of the stars. They're his secret placebo.

Even with his eyes turned to the sky he can feel Ohno stepping up next to him. He doesn't look at him, just keeps his gaze upwards wishing he could simply grasp Ohno's hand and beam them up to the stars. To leave everything behind on earth.

“Did you know that every star was once a person?”

 

_He knows that he cannot keep his star._

 

“It's unfair!” Nino bursts out. Ohno hears the sadness and bitterness lacing every single word. He does everything to ignore it.  
“You didn't play me, did you? Two years ago in the cafe. The way you looked at me. You can't tell me that it wasn't real.”

Ohno quickly shakes his head. “It was– it is real. All of it. But that doesn't change a thing.”

“How can it not change anything? If you really love me the way you’ve told me these past two years, how can it not change anything? I've accepted everything. I've accepted your past, your job. Damn it, I've accepted you being a fucking killer! How can you tell me now that we can't stay together?” Nino's words impact like fists, but he takes it without blinking. He learned early on how to handle pain, physical or emotional. He has been trained to not feel any pain in the first place.

But Nino has made him weak.

The following words leave his lips only hesitatingly, “I'm not getting out of this, Nino. I can't just quit my job. They would kill me. Fuck, my own father would probably do it himself.”

“I've never told you to stop,” Nino answers weakly. Even if he's saying it now, Ohno knows exactly what the other's really thinking. _Even if every new death caused by your hand tears my heart up further. Even if I wish for you to never kill again._ And Ohno knows what this means; he knows that Nino keeps these words to himself and doesn't confront him with an ultimatum. It was never _me or the job_.

But none of this matters to Ohno.

“I'm not perfect, Nino. The day will come that I'll make a mistake. And then it'll be over in a single second I'll be gone and you'll never see me again. Do you want it to end this way?”

Nino averts his eyes. Like always, when something strikes him hard. When realization hits him so hard that it seems like the weight of the world crushes down on his shoulders threatening to break him down. At times like this he always looks down, because he doesn't want anybody to read in his eyes. Ohno swallows bitter bile, hoping against hope that Nino will accept his decision and not make this harder than it already is.

But the determination in Nino's eyes when he looks up at him again almost makes his heart stop.

“I don't care. I don't fucking care that you think ending it here and now might be easier. I won't let you go that easily. And if you try to run away without telling me, then believe me that I will come looking for you all over the world, Ohno Satoshi. And when I find you ... may God be with you, because I swear I'll be the one turning into a killer.”

 

_He knows that he has to leave his star. But he can't. Not yet._

 

Five years, three months, and twenty one days have passed when he has to do it. The Police have a witness and his fingerprints. He's made two mistakes at once, in a moment of distraction because in his mind he had already been at home. With Nino. It costs him everything.

He arrives in a foreign country, with a false name on his passport and an incredible emptiness in his heart. He thinks he can never feel anything but his longing for Nino.

He tries once again to turn to the black night sky. But it's still not stars that he's seeing.

“People are stars, stars are people,” he whispers into the night and then bursts out laughing. He laughs long and hard, tears welling up in his eyes till he can't even see anymore.

Ohno wonders if Nino still remembers the promise they had made. He looks up at the starry sky again, kneeling on the ground, perfectly aware of the abyss before him making him tremble with fear.

“Show me our promise,” he breathes desperately into the cold night. Nothing happens, of course.

 

_“When you meet a star, you'll know what he is. You'll just know.”_

 

Two weeks after having met him at the cafe, Nino already knew that he would never want to miss this man again in his life. In the beginning he tried blaming Aiba, who wouldn't shut up about this “love at first sight” business. But later on it finally reached his brain; it was so sudden as if someone had turned a switch in his head.

“I think I love you. Shit, I think I really love you,” he blurts out and at first Ohno has no idea what to make of it. Then he clicks, too, just like Nino did before.

Ohno simply beams at him.

“How'd you do it? I've known you for two weeks and ... oh my God, can you tell me how you did it?” The last words almost fail Nino, because Ohno is laughing at him and he has to laugh along and they're both laughing so hard out of pure joy and relief.

And they are lying in each other’s arms, kissing – but not for long because they are too busy grinning and giggling to concentrate on their kiss. That's why they only look at each other with sparkling eyes and huge grins.

“I'll never let you go, you hear me? If you're doing such things to me you have to live with the consequences. I want you to always, always come back to me!” Nino means it more as a joke than anything else. But Ohno's eyes turn serious for an instant, his gaze prickling on Nino's skin.

“I promise.”

 

_The lie becomes the truth as he is running through the night searching for daylight._

 

For days now he has been wandering around aimlessly. He has no idea where he's going, doesn't know where he is nor where he was yesterday. He hasn’t reached the point of not caring anymore – not yet. But he's very close to it, and he knows that he'll lose himself once there.

Despite this knowledge, Ohno doesn't struggle against it.

The town he's prowling looks just like all the others. Nothing special. And that's exactly what it feels like; there is nothing special here.

“I was once searching for something,” he mumbles to himself, ignoring an elderly woman who crosses his path and looks at him suspiciously. _But there’s no point in looking for it anymore_ , he adds in his head.

Ohno Satoshi is a killer. He's been trained to be one since the age of 14. Ohno Satoshi is a killer who doesn't know where to go anymore, who has no future ahead of him; only living for the assignments he is given. He is only living to end the lives of others.

But then his gaze is drawn to a cafe and something makes him stop. He studies the building. It is small, paint scaling off the wooden beams that frame the front door. The windows are partly blind and not completely covered by the mismatched curtains. It's nothing special, fitting his mood all the better.

“Morning Light,” he silently reads the sign at the entrance. There is more written under it, and he has to step closer in order to be able to read it. His breath hitches as he deciphers the words:

_“What you'll find when you go on is a shining star.”_

The unmistakable aroma of freshly ground coffee greats him as he slides open the door. He sits down at one of the windows and takes in the calming atmosphere. He can't explain it, but he starts to feel alive again.

From the bar a small laugh reaches his ears and he looks up,

 

  
  The End  


End file.
